Oh, The Insanity
by Gabs
Summary: songfic-type challenge. Ares/Gab.very hard to explain... but please read anyway!
1. Default Chapter

Before you read this: Know this is a response to a challenge posted on the BattleForAres@yahoogroups.com list. (by me!) The challenge: create a fiction about your favorite Ares couple using movie and song titles and lyrics. It probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it was sure as hell fun to write! Please review… hey, maybe you can even write one of these crazy things too!

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Oh, The Insanity…

Ares glanced around. It was a peaceful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the air was filled with the scent of flowers. It made him sick. He couldn't help but frown in disgust, even if he was in the presence of his two favorite women. Gabrielle glanced over at him. "Are you still mad I kicked you out of bed?" she asked. He looked up quickly. "I want to conquer the world! Give all the idiots a brand new religion!" Xena stared at him. "Sanity is a full-time job," she commented. "I live with it every day. For every step I have to pay," Ares shouted, jumping to his feet.

"Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me, creature of the night!" Gabrielle yelled. Ares and Xena both stared at her. "I'm a wild and an untamed thing! I'm a bee with a deadly sting! You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing!" Ares declared. Xena turned to Gabrielle and took her hand. "Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings." Gabrielle's eyes started to water. "I am a cloud. And I am so afraid. I am so full of love." Xena looked confused, but nodded to her best friend, deciding the most sane thing she could do right now was go find some baddie to beat the crap out of. She slowly stepped away from Gabrielle and Ares, then turned and ran. Gabrielle watched her before turning to Ares. 

"I'm not looking for someone to talk to. I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K. And I won't wake up alone anymore, still believing you'll walk through my door. You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure. Then I'll give all the love in the world." Ares took her hand and looked into her eyes. "Within my heart a memory… a perfect love that you gave to me. When you are with me I'm free. I'm careless, I believe. Above all the others we'll fly…" 

Gabrielle smiled at him sweetly. "It's all about me, I am The One... soon you'll see there's nowhere to run... I am the threat that is so real. THROUGH THE BLOOD AND THE SWEAT, THE PAIN YOU WILL FEEL!" Ares' eyes widened. "I'm going home!" Gabrielle stared after him as he started to walk away. "It isn't fair! It isn't fair that you blame it all on me!" Ares stared at her, threw up his hands and again started walking away. "Think twice about it honey, turn around and come on home! Lover stop, lover don't, lover stop, lover lover please!" Gabrielle called. "When I first kissed you nearly swept me… Swept me off my feet. When I first kissed you, that's when I knew I was in love," she continued when he stopped walking. He turned and looked at her again. "Why can't you just admit it, you've had it, you're sick of me?"

Suddenly, Xena reappeared from out of nowhere. Looking at Ares, she whispered something to Gabrielle. "From the day he was born, he was trouble. He was the thorn in his mother's side… from the day she was gone, all he wanted was rock and roll porn, and a motorbike. Shooting up junk…" From out of nowhere, Callisto chimed in with, "He was a low down cheap little punk!"

"…taking everyone for a ride!" Xena finished. Gabrielle stared at them both. "Everybody shoved him! I very nearly loved him! I said, 'Hey! Listen to me! Stay sane inside insanity!' But he locked the door and threw away the key!" Ares stared at all three of them. "I'm outta my head! Oh, hurry, or I may be dead!" Mavican suddenly appeared, pointing at Ares and screaming, "Boys like you don't cost a dime! You could say that's fine fine fine fine fine! But you know just as well as I that's a… lie lie lie lie!!" Ares glared at her. "I'll tell you once, won't tell you twice- you better wise up, Janet Weiss. Your apple pie don't taste too nice… you're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string. When we made it, did ya hear a bell ring?" Mavican gasped, and attempted to tackle him. Soon realizing that he wasn't a good target, she turned her attention to Gabrielle, who easily sidestepped her attack. "That is the best you can do? I've lost my patience now. Leave me alone." Looking dejected, Mavican wandered off into the forest. 

Xena and Callisto, meanwhile, had started fighting. As Xena blocked one of her rivals shots, she sneered and said, "You've been foolin' with the Bitch's Brew. You know the things I told you not to do. You fell into the briar patch. Ain't nothing gonna save your ass." With a typical Callisto screech, the blonde pulled back and attacked with rejuvenated anger. Soon, she had knocked the sword from Xena's hand. With a smirk, she dropped her own sword. "My Fist Your Face. That's for sure."

As they continued to battle, Ares and Gabrielle were now engrossed in one another. "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing. Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever. Well, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure…" Ares said softly. "Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating. And I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing. Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together. And I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever!" Gabrielle replied. Together, they sang, "Don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss. Well, I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this. I just wanna hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine. And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time. Don't wanna close my eyes, don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I'd miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing. 'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do. I'd still miss you, baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing." By this point, Xena and Callisto had stopped, hands locked on each other's throats, and were now staring at Ares and Gabrielle. The God of War gently reached down and touched Gabrielle's face. "Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky, there would be no love in my life, there'd be no world left for me. And I, baby I don't know what I would do. I'd be lost if I lost you. If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything real in my life…" 

He was interrupted by the sound of Callisto losing her lunch in the bushes. When she was finished, she picked up her sword and put it away. Then she grabbed Xena's, handed it to her, and motioned for her to follow. Xena nodded anxiously and they went to find a more peaceful, less nauseating place to kill one another. Ares turned back to Gabrielle, intent on picking up where he had left off, but was interrupted again- this time by Virgil and Varia. Virgil took Varia's hand in his and looked into her eyes. "In this garden, this lovely garden, I build a temple of love. We'll make love in the shade, and in the ocean we will bathe. Little fishies in the sea say hooray." Ares rolled his eyes, now intending to outdo the poet. "I'm so in love with you. Look in my eyes, let's get lost tonight… in each other. Let's make love all night long until all our strength is gone." Virgil glared at Ares, then turned to Varia. "All I wanna do is be with you tonight. It's all I wanna do, girl, the feeling's right. All I wanna do is be with you tonight, baby. All I wanna do is you."

Ares pulled Gabrielle closer to him, then said softly, "If I could win your heart, if you'd let me in your heart, I'd be so happy, baby. Just for these arms to be holding you close to me, there's nothing in this world I won't try. No limit to what I'd do to make you mine, just to hear you say that you love me." Before Virgil could try to top that, Ares grabbed his shirt. "Never gonna stop me, never gonna stop! Never gonna stop me, never gonna stop!" As Varia and the defeated Virgil ran back to the forest, Ares crowed his victory. "Blacken the sun! What have I done? I feel so good I feel so numb yeah!" Gabrielle took his hand. "It's not like you didn't know that I said I love you and I swear I still do. And it must have been so bad cause living with me must have damn near killed you. And this is how, you remind me of what I really am."

So there. I answered my challenge. As we all well know, they don't belong to me- characters, songs, etc, none of it!- so dont sue cuz then I'll be sad and I'll get CrazySydMom to hunt you down and scare the shit out of you with her cool gun trick and awesome disappearing trick!  



	2. sources

The songs used in my response to the challenge, and the singer and CD each one is from…

are you still mad I kicked you out of bed? –Alanis Morrisette, **"Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie"**

I want to conquer the world! Give all the idiots a brand new religion! Bad Religion, **"No Control"**

sanity is a full-time job Bad Religion, **"No Control"**

I live with it every day For every step I have to pay Barenaked Ladies, **"Born On A Pirate Ship"**

Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I wanna be dirty! Thrill me chill me fulfill me, creature of the night!

I'm a wild and an untamed thing! I'm a bee with a deadly sting! You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing! Both from **The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack**

Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings. – I think we all know, this is Bette Midler from the album **"Beaches"**

I am a cloud. And I am so afraid. I am so full of love.- Boy Hits Car, **"Boy Hits Car"**  
I'm not looking for someone to talk to. I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K…. And i won't wake up alone anymore, still believing you'll walk through my door. You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure. Then I'll give all the love in the world. – The Corrs, **"All The Love In The World"**  
Within my heart a memory… a perfect love that you gave to me. When you are with me I'm free. I'm careless, I believe. Above all the others we'll fly… -Creed, **"Weathered"**

It's all about me, I am The One... soon you'll see there's nowhere to run... I am the threat that is so real. THROUGH THE BLOOD AND THE SWEAT, THE PAIN YOU WILL FEEL! –Drowning Pools version of **"The Game"**

I'm going home- from **The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack**

It isn't fair! It isn't fair that you blame it all on me –SwitchBlade Kittens (aww, ya knew I had to get them in here)

Think twice about it honey, turn around and come on home! Lover stop, lover don't, lover stop, lover lover please! –Melissa Etheridge, **"Skin"**  
When I first kissed you nearly swept me… Swept me off my feet. When I first kissed you, that's when I knew I was in love –Extreme, **"Extreme II: Pornograffitti"**  
Why can't you just admit it, you've had it, you're sick of me –Green Day, **"Shenanigans"**

From the day he was born…... Oh, hurry, or I may be dead! - from **The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack**

Boys like you don't cost a dime! You could say that's fine fine fine fine fine! But you know just as well as I that's a… lie lie lie lie!! - from **Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack**

I'll tell you once, won't tell you twice- you better wise up, Janet Weiss. Your apple pie don't taste too nice… you're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string. When we made it, did ya hear a bell ring? -from **The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack**

That is the best you can do? I've lost my patience now. Leave me alone –Natalie Imbruglia, **"Left Of The Middle"**

You've been foolin' with the Bitch's Brew. You know the things I told you not to do. You fell into the briar patch. Ain't nothing gonna save your ass –Aerosmith, **"Rock In A Hard Place"**

My Fist Your Face. That's for sure –Aerosmith, **"Done With Mirrors"**

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing… and I don't wanna miss a thing –Aerosmith, from that one movie…

Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky, there would be no love in my life, there'd be no world left for me. And I, baby I don't know what I would do. I'd be lost if I lost you. If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything real in my life…-Leann Rimes, **"You Light Up My Life"**

In this garden, this lovely garden, I build a temple of love. We'll make love in the shade, and in the ocean we will bathe. Little fishies in the sea say hooray -Lenny Kravitz, **"Let Love Rule"**

I'm so in love with you. Look in my eyes, let's get lost tonight… in each other. Let's make love all night long until all our strength is gone –Faith Hill, **"Breathe"**

All I wanna do is be with you tonight. It's all I wanna do, girl, the feeling's right. All I wanna do is be with you tonight, baby. All I wanna do is you. –Joey McIntyre, "**Joey McIntyre"**

If I could win your heart if you'd let me in your heart I'd be so happy, baby. Just for these arms to be holding you close to me. There's nothing in this world I won't try. No limit to what I'd do to make you mine, just to hear you say that you love me. –Faith Hill, **"Faith"**

Never gonna stop me, never gonna stop! Never gonna stop me, never gonna stop! –Rob Zombie, **" The Sinister Urge"**

Blacken the sun! What have i done? I feel so good i feel so numb yeah!" –Rob Zombie, **" The Sinister Urge"**

It's not like you didn't know that I said I love you and I swear I still do. And it must have been so bad cause living with me must have damn near killed you. And this is how, you remind me of what I really am –Nickelback, **"Silver Side Up"**


End file.
